I want to cry. But the tears won’t come. It’s nearly 3AM and I can’t sleep…thinking of him. I want so much to just cry. Sob, weep, scream and make everyone else understand how much I love him…yet how much he hurts me. I miss him so much it feels like my heart is tearing…but does he notice? Every love song I hear on the radio, I can make it fit. Every good one works, every bad one really is our relationship. But why do I care? I am definately not good enough. I am jealous. I hold on to my past. I revert to childish ignorance to mask the pain. I cover sorrow with fake indifference.
You know the reason people like romance novels and films so much? Because in them, the characters go above and beyond what is expected or really even seemingly possible to make things work. For them, there IS no other choice but love. They CANNOT live without that person. They REFUSE to give up. They will NOT accept failure. In some movies, the love is so great that it even conquers death. That is why we love these stories so much. Because we admire them. They are everything we wished we were, and then some. They are all that we hope we were.
The problem with real life if, we don’t believe in fairy tales anymore. We give up too easily. Way. Way. Too. Easily. We give up, when we should be trying HARDER. We hang up when we should be appreciating. We walk away when we should be embracing. We waste time being angry and frustrated instead of saying what we’re thinking. Things would be so much simpler if we just said what we were thinking. He can’t mind-read, you know, you’ve GOT to tell him. Same for him.
But why can’t I do it? Why do I feel like it’s not working? Why do I feel like I’m not worth it? I want to be with him forever. We’re not married. I’ve failed. Oh well. I can fix it. I can make it work. Don’t worry, don’t cry…hush…say no more. I love you. Love is all we need.
Then I awoke.
Life is not so simple as it should be. Love hurts. Love sucks. I’m not perfect. My love is fading…waning… It’s because you don’t care anymore. And I’m afraid to. Love has a nasty habit of disappearing overnight. I am not a child. I refuse to believe in fairy tales. I shall realize we won’t be wed. And I Will. Not. Cry. I’m no better than anyone else.
I prepared for the test, but it matters not. I failed. The end. No second chances. You’re just going to have to work with what you’ve got. You’ve mucked it up, but you can restore it to the purity and the innocence that true love is meant to be. If you work hard.
The question is: