Habitual Fixation – Day 645

01 November 2012

WOWZA!  It’s November.  😀  Well…lots of stuff going on.  Lots that I’m excited for..  ^_^ BUT-!  First thing’s first: last month’s track record.

Car Odometer: 165, 500 (As of November 1st.)
Bike Odometer: 259 Kilometers Travelled

Average Speed Cycling: 12.5 kilometers per hour (Up 1.6 from last month)

Total Time Spent Cycling: 20:36:35 = 0.67867 kilometers per day

Alright.  So that’s that.  And I have been really good at not spending money aside from the last two weeks…which means 50%…shit.  That’s actually kind of bad, especially because I do not have a job right now.. *sigh* Gasp..shock..meh.  Eventually I’ll start looking.  I don’t know tho.  Every single day I think more and more seriously about making a living with my writing.  I’m good.  Really good.  Especially because when I write about it, I really care about that thing.  I just don’t seem to have enough discipline.  I need to develop that.  I need to enrich myself intellectually and start reaching into myself.

I did good today.  I didn’t text him.

True.  I’ve been thinking about him a lot; but self-restraint is something I am going to have to learn if I am going to develop myself..even tho I miss him a bit from over here…especially intellectually.  I love the movie “An Affair to Remember.”  If only I can be that good…that wholesome and fair to myself..  “If you can paint, I can walk…”  <_>  *sob sob!* SO romantic!

I think that I’m a romantic at heart.  🙂  Really tho…I think I really am.

I had a test today.  A test in a class that I hadn’t attended for the last 2 and a half weeks.  He’s such a dispassionate and useless professor.  Turns out, I needed it to get thru his damn test tho.  His terms are absolutely worthless.  I’ll post my notes now (study guide) and then post the test in two weeks when he hands back the answers.  I probably got a D or a C.  Which sucks now that I’ll be lacking in attendance   Oh well.

I just got distracted watching some old home videos.  I video taped myself so much…and was incredibly self obsessed.  I wonder if I am still like that?  I think so, actually…Hmm.  And I wasn’t really “fat” when I thought I was.  Just out of shape, really..

I was really mean to my family.  I thought I was better than all of them were.  I treated my sisters very badly.  I called my sister fat.  I didn’t realize that I should have encouraged Marina.  I just pushed both of them down all the time for my own gain.  I felt entitled to everything, like they should bow down to me or something.  I have a lot to think about.

I need to start taking myself seriously and working harder.  Fulfill my potential.  There is no other way.

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