Habitual Fixation – Day 628

15 October 2012

This past week has been interesting. I have discovered the changes I am constantly making inside of me. I have been spiritually assaulted by an ex-lover. I have gotten closer and closer to my mom and sisters. I have realized that because of my new and healthy active lifestyle I have lost 14 pounds over the last 6 months. I have been eating at home every single day. I’ve been enjoying my time riding my bike and cooking. I’ve been procrastinating.

A lot.

I’ve been wondering a lot about this new intellectual beau of mine. It’s hard to get him off my mind. He is impressive, so I suppose I do not mind it. In fact I just took the time to write him an expressive and invested yet impersonal letter requesting that he let me know where I stand within our friendship. Oftentimes his rapid-fire or sparse messaging leaves me a little confused and feeling neglected.  I’m emotionally confused a lot of times because I am seeking for emotions.  That is not something I can expect should be given from such a new friend.  Although, he is brilliant.  Perhaps I really should back off from contacting him for a while.  I suppose I can suffer the constant barrage he inflicts upon my settled mind.

Hmm.  I am trying to catch up on my online courses.  I find them extremely taxing and also boring.  I am not at the level required yet for disciplined individual study on topics that are too scientifically focused and quote-oriented.  I am much more invested in information that is wide-spread, conceptual, and philosophical..clearly why I am a Philosophistic Writer.  It’s challenging for me to stay focused on scientific and very rigid subjects.

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