You Are Nothing

You’re ambitious, fierce, ruthless, daring.
You’re so vicious, loving, truthful, caring.

Where have you been all my life?

You are strong and honest
You speak what’s real without fear it will hurt my feelings.
You stand up to me and remind me that without action I am nothing
And action? Nothing without feeling.

You push me down into my seat and you provoke me.
When I protest you assault me and tear apart my feelings.
You remind me that I am nothing without action.
With your endless reality check, you both confront me and defeat me.

I tear me down before I even have a chance to start.
I convince myself that to reach the top of a hill isn’t really reaching.
I tell myself that I must only shoot for mountains.
Shoot only for a mountain, all at your heed.

A slap to the side of the head, hair is flying.
You stupid bitch! When you see a mountain what do you think you will do then?
Do you think you will will it to death??
You have no experience and no strategies to deal with.
You have no past failures or success to cope with.

But once I reach that mountain, I have no strength to climb it.
A vision is nothing without practice.
Who am I to forfeit the most thoughtful of passioned moments?

You are unrelenting and explosive.
You come into the scene and all attention is diverted.
You make me think about feelings I do not want to be feeling.
You blast into my bedroom and you slap me.
I cringe and shield with the blankets.

You slap my wild hair repeatedly.
You scream at me to get the hell up.
You remind me I am nothing.
Without action, I am nothing.

Why have you been sleeping?
Don’t you know there’s work to do?
Your space is far too messy, you’re heart’s deranged!
How dare you try to hide from me here; did you think that you could deny my just by rejecting your feelings? Don’t you know that eventually the only thing that must shine through is passion?
I am you and you cannot run from me.

You’ve been both the best friend and the worst friend you’ve ever had!
You skip out on appointments and you are always feeling sad!
You complain about everything and you never think it’s strange
That all you do is “talking” and so nothing else can change!
GET UP. A life lived is FULL of overwhelming feelings.

Get on up now, the new day is not beginning.
It is NOW! Where have you been?
With whom have you been sleeping?
Where in the hell have you been all your life?

When I needed you you slept in late.
I protest and you would sleep in later.
You haven’t felt such surreal lust since you had a thing for skaters.
You made your bed with empty promises.

Don’t you think it’s wrong to have to be having this conversation?
Don’t you think it’s worse not to listen to what your Self is telling you?
You are speaking to yourself and you have got to listen up.

You gave up everything.
You started quitting.
You stopped fighting.
A mere victim of unrequited feelings?

Where were you when I needed you most?
You think you’re so goddamned special that you can just come and go, come and go from your own damned life??
What gives you that privilege? What gives you that right?
Let me remind me, YOU ARE NOTHING.

It is time to take some action.

The only time you are ever going to have is now.

Start acting.

18 October 2012

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