Home Making

Here I sit in a living room full of clothes and things.  I am overwhelmed by an overflowing closet and the beauteous FULL nature of things.  I just found out I’ll be able to get my full benefits from CalFresh this month, so I’m relieved and comforted that everything I’ve set in motion over the past year seems to be falling into place right now.  The final leg of getting all settled in over here is just around the river bend and I am finally starting to grasp this.

We share a beautiful home, my partner and I.  From the moment I first climbed the stairs here, I felt at home and comfortable.  From that moment on, I’ve been steadily cleaning and moving my things in.  Last month, we took the bigger plunge.  I got rid of my last apartment and moved in completely.  Nearly all the official address changes have been processed and we have more than a full set of blankets and towels and a full kitchen.  It’s a beautiful life here and I’m happy with him.

The strangest part about this all is being surrounded by such abundance.  For once in my awareness, I feel like I truly have the power to control my thoughts and feelings; to influence my environment in a lasting and positive manner.  Everything I have done up til now has brought me confidently to this moment.

Online on my website, I have a page I update every month to keep track of the past month’s spending and current projected budget.  My income is little enough where I live on a month-to-month basis generally.  Presently, I’m about to get ahead a month.  While money certainly doesn’t ALWAYS equal time, when you’re poor, having enough to meet your needs is crucial to the states of safety, security, and well-being.  Otherwise, everything seems like a constant uphill struggle…going to work feels like the classical Greek story of Sisyphus: being doomed to slave away rolling a big giant rock to the top of a great mountain…only to have it roll back down again every time you think it’s the end of it.

Another thing I noticed on my website was in the designated time allotment.  I have implemented a section to budget out my time every month.  There are divided into the categories: paid-work, volunteer-work, sleep, and personal time.  In the months where I’ve been particularly pressed for time, all the lines that indicate the non-profit organizations I used to volunteer for have been set to zero time; blanking.

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