Habitual Fixation – Day 621

09 October 2012

Quite the hiatus, eh Cedes?  Today IS the beginning of the rest of your life, as you always say..  It’s been a long time since you’ve made use of this site.  About time you came back?  It looks like May 2011 was the last time you wrote in here.  What happened?  Did you decide to go off and fail; relapse and indulge in your oh-so-surrounding fix?  No matter.  You’re back now.  Don’t scamper off.  What’s new in your life?  Any major changes?

Well.  I have been constructively discharged from my job.  Which job, you ask?  No, not Dollar Tree.  I quit that for good back in January 2012.  Yea…I know you didn’t know that… I never took the time to tell you.  Since February, I haven’t even shopped there.  I have pretty much quit all reliance on retail.  The stragglers here and there include Walgreens and Kohl’s.  I needed underwear and rechargeable batteries.  Well, wanted.

My thinking is disparate and fragmented.  In any case, I quit my job.  Fired?  Discharged? Harassed?  Distance grew between us?  Choices? Yea.  Just a little bit of everything, I guess.  The last time I went there was the 5th of September.  No, I don’t wanna talk about it.  I’ll probably tell you about it later.  Yes, I’m fine.

I am actually back in school at the university now.  All is well and I am slowing getting back into the habit of being on my own again.  I have so much free time…and a new apartment.  I really like it here.  For the most part, I’ve got good roommates.  One is ideal and she laughs a lot.  She’s a thriving vegan and we use the same kinds of deodorant, tampons, and toothbrush.  She’s really lovely.  She speaks German and Spanish along with her English fluently.  She’s pretty.  Another is a boy from Germany.  He is undisciplined, boring, and lazy.  He immediately comes back with something contradictory for anything you decide to say.  He coughs a lot and doesn’t look after himself health-wise.  He eats poorly.  He leaves messes.  He leaves piss on the toilet seat.  He gets the mirrors spotty with stains from hard water.  He drinks too much and smokes marijuana sometimes.  It seems I have an unlimited supply of critical things to say about him.  I hope he moves out soon and we all can find a more like-minded roommate.  The third roommate is also a girl.  In certain ways, she is similar to the male here.  She is small-minded and inconsiderate of other people.  She doesn’t eat well and is a racist.  She is superstitious and hates gay people.  Living with her is very interesting.  She is a light-skinned Indian.

School is going well.  I am newly single.  For the first real time in the last 6 years, I am choosing to remain single.  I did it for a few times here and there over the last 2.5…but gave in almost immediately when the guy came along…sweeping.  This time, I’d like to reserve myself.  Problem is: I already like a guy.  It’s intellectual this time.  Reminds me of the other guy..even now, I still sometimes miss him.

I like music.  My back hurts.  I have to use the bathroom.  I wonder if someday I will own a waterless toilet?  Anyway, I am going to go read a bit before bed; listen to music for a few more minutes and then tomorrow I will continue to update.  I’m sorry I have been away for so long.  I don’t know why I have been away from my own Self for so long…  I’ve got to find a way to keep tight hold of her.

Perhaps that is not the right word to use here… “hold…”

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