Habitual Fixation – Day 028

February 28th:

I’m not doin so hot today, world..  I’m getting weak; weak…willed..

They say it takes 21 days to break a habit, (or maybe it’s to make one? Not sure..) but I’d say they’re pretty full of shit.  It’s already been 28 and I’ve failed, failed, failed…haven’t done nearly enough — and I’m aware of it. O_O

There are so many little changes I’ve chosen; so many…tweaks I’ve made.. and yet it’s still not enough.   Will it ever be?

I’ve been failing at school in the conventional sense and I never write anymore.  It’s embarrassing.  When I’m ashamed of what I’ve been up to, (or NOT been up to, for that matter,) I don’t write anymore.  It’s humiliating and degrading to my psyche to admit when I’ve been willingly falling short.  However, if I’m going to suck at life, I might as well do it publicly.

I haven’t been writing for school when I should be, I haven’t been riding my bike when I should be, I haven’t been sleeping when I should be, so I figured I might as well start doing something that I shouldn’t be doing, just to even it out a bit.

I am going to share my humiliation with the world, and if they are disgusted, let them hiss and spit; I may be a failure, but I’m still here; and I’m still trying. -.-

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