Stagnating

I don’t really feel like writing anything right now. It’s been a lot like this for a while. I become inspired to put something down oftentimes and then it seems like once I’ve had the thought I’ve already considered myself to have written the piece in my mind and there’s no longer that overwhelming desire to get it out and explore it more on paper. It’s almost like I’ve made up my mind about most stuff in the space of a solitary instant, which, looking at it in the exact moment of this moment, clearly isn’t intelligent or logical. In any case, I’ve forced myself to sit and write this out this morning. It’s 8am and I’ve started the laundry and flipped it already into the dryer. I’ve eaten breakfast and taken my iron supplement and -HEY-! even written a bit out here on my website.. 😉 Yay.. I could fold the small lump of wrinkled clothes on the floor of my bedroom and tidy the place up a bit before the next load was dry, but I think I’m going to sit here and digest my food while I enjoy the sensation of feeling like I’m allowed to express myself and, even though it’s only being captured and recorded on a screen, somehow heard and listened to. Something that is different about this morning’s typing is that I am visually taking in every word as it’s being produced onto the monitor and I’m doing a kind of amused-alert and entertained version of mental spell-check. I’m also using the fingers of my left hand more efficiently, by directing the forefingers of both hands to remain conscious of their positions upon the letters “F” and “J,” which have a little plastic dash upon them which makes the, in that small way, “raised,” so that my digits might know whereupon they stand without having to wander lost over the entire keyboard. I’m glad I’m writing. I’m rather enjoying this. It’s almost like watching a movie (which I’ve been doing an awful lot of) where the writer is tapping out the thoughts of the main character onto the screen with a type-writer instead of allowing any more complex action or verbal emoting. I don’t have a type-writer, though; only a laptop. I still feel guilty about this laptop. In all reality, I shouldn’t even have it. It was bestowed upon me for business use while I was helping out with a farmers’ market start-up in a low income neighborhood. They called that area a “food desert,” because there wasn’t a location where community members could purchase healthy, local, organic foods like fruits, breads, eggs, and vegetables within the actual confines of the community. However, many of the people inside of that space were varying definitions of “hermit” and didn’t WANT to leave their homes in their own community very much, choosing instead to save their money by shopping at Winco, FoodMaxx, or WalMart; or by simply growing a bit of their own food along with the chickens in the backyard.